How to Be There for Someone Struggling with Depression

When someone you care about is struggling with depression, it can feel overwhelming. You want to help, but you might worry about saying the wrong thing or feel powerless watching them sink deeper into pain.

You don't need to have all the answers. Being there for someone with depression isn't about fixing them; it's about showing up with empathy and patience. Your presence can help them feel less alone.

Start with Compassion, Not Solutions

When someone opens up about their depression, your instinct might be to help them feel better immediately. You might say, "You just need to think positively!" or "You have so much to be grateful for!" Those responses come from a good place, but they can make the person feel unheard. Depression isn't a mindset problem. It's a real illness that affects how someone thinks, feels, and functions.

Instead, lead with compassion. Try saying, "That sounds really hard. I'm here for you" or "You don't have to go through this alone." Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is listen without trying to fix.

Listen Without Judgment

Depression can make people feel hopeless, irritable, or withdrawn. They may cancel plans repeatedly or seem distant. It's easy to take that personally, but I encourage you not to. Listening without judgment means creating space for honesty, even when it's uncomfortable. If they share dark thoughts, you don't need the perfect response. Just stay grounded and let them talk. Your patience and presence matter more than any advice.

Check in Consistently

People with depression often isolate, not because they don't care, but because they feel like a burden or lack energy. Gentle, consistent check-ins can mean everything. Try a simple text like "Thinking of you today" or "No pressure to respond, I just wanted you to know I care." This reminds them they're valued without demanding energy they may not have.

Offer Practical Support

Depression can make even simple tasks feel impossible. Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," try something concrete like, "Can I drop off dinner this week?" or "Want me to go on a walk with you?" These gestures lighten their mental load and show care through action.

Encourage Professional Help Gently

If your loved one isn't seeing a therapist, you can gently encourage it without pressure. You might say, "Have you thought about talking to someone? I could help you look for options if that feels overwhelming." Normalize depression therapy as a form of care and strength.

Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. You might feel frustrated or helpless. That doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human. Make sure you're caring for your own emotional needs too. Talk with a friend, join a support group, or consider therapy. You can walk beside them, but you can't walk for them.

Know When to Seek Immediate Help

If your loved one talks about not wanting to live or mentions suicide, take it seriously. Stay calm and say, "I'm really worried about you. Let's find help together." Encourage them to call 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or go to the nearest emergency room if there's an immediate risk.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

Supporting someone through depression takes patience and resilience. It's okay to feel uncertain. What matters is that you're trying to show up. If you're finding it hard to navigate this journey, therapy can help you process your feelings and develop strategies to be a grounded source of support.

At Ubuntu Psychological Services, I work with individuals and families navigating depression and the complexities of caring for loved ones through difficult times. If you'd like support as you walk alongside someone you care about, or if you're struggling with depression yourself, reach out to explore our options for depression therapy. Healing happens in community, and you don't have to carry this alone.